Understanding a Relationship
Article contributed by Dr Ong Tien Kwan (Klinik Ong)
Before we talk about healing a relationship, it is important that we understand what a relationship is, or rather, what makes a good relationship.
- A relationship is a mutual responsibility. A relationship can only happen when there are at least 2 people involved in it. A relationship is like a clap. It can only occur when two hands clapped. One hand alone cannot produce the clap. Therefore, a relationship is a mutual responsibility.
- A relationship is a privilege. It is a privilege because one can always choose not to have a relationship. One always has this freedom of choice. A relationship is not one-sided, coerced, or compelled. One must be free to enter into or walk out of a relationship.
- A relationship must be mutually beneficial. We choose to have a relationship because we see its potential to enrich our lives, to make it better, and to flourish together. Therefore, both sides must benefit from it. Without these mutual benefits, the relationship will eventually fail.
- A relationship is a mirror. We like someone or fall in love with someone because that person mirrors something in us that we like, admire or want. At the same time, we must bear in mind that he or she will also mirror our fears, insecurities, weaknesses, and limitations. This is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, this offers us ample opportunities to recognize, acknowledge and heal our own fears and limitations, that may otherwise go unnoticed, unacknowledged, and therefore unable to be healed. It is here that you can turn a crisis into an opportunity for growth. Use it well.
- In a relationship. honesty is the best policy. At any time, a relationship can go bad, go sour or become broken. This often happens because one or both in the relationship fails to or is unwilling to face his or her own inner fears, and therefore ends up unable to communicate truthfully or effectively with each other. In fact, the most common reaction is one that looks for someone to place the blame on. Most ego understand this but cannot seem to help itself. Unfortunately, this is not only unhelpful but often worsens an already bad situation. It is here that honesty is the best policy. For any relationship to flourish, truth must be the foundation of that relationship. Honesty is needed for truth to be upheld.